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Are You Happy, Mommy?
By Cindy | August 27, 2007
My three year old son’s favorite question right now is “Are you happy, Mommy?” Two years ago I was unhappy. I had a wonderful baby boy, a little girl on the way and the opportunity to stay home. My husband asked why I was unhappy. I couldn’t give him a clear answer. My identity as a Naval Officer was gone. I had no idea how to care for a child. Inner turmoil ensued as I searched for a way to have it all—a sense of self-worth, the children, time to devote to them and my husband, some sort of professional achievement and a spotless home. Last Thursday, I tuned into Oprah as I completed my practice 5K on the treadmill. The heat’s unrelenting presence has prevented any form of outdoor running this past month! Her show focused on Happiness. I realized, “I am happy with my life.” I even took the quiz when I got home and scored an “Extremely Statisfied with Life!”
How did I do it? I believe it was something that was going to take time. I had to let go of nine years of my past—not forget, but to separate myself from the Navy. It took me a good two years to transition from Naval Officer Woman to a Satisfied Mom. I also let go of any notion that the house would ever be spotless with two toddlers, a dog, a cat, my husband and me (yes, I’m just as guilt) around! By working out again, volunteering, tutoring, writing and creating this blog, I have found professional achievement. Most importantly, I believe happiness is a result of self acceptance. I strive to improve mentally, physically and spiritually, but overall, I am happy with who I am.
Dr. Robert Holden, dedicated to studying the pursuit of happiness, emphasized that happiness was “believing in yourself and giving yourself time.” He pointed out that “women will give to family, community, and lose self. Here we focus on you as a person.” Lorrie was the woman I connected with on Oprah’s show, How Happy Are You?
Lorrie scored in the middle range of the satisfaction test and says people often mistake her for being happy because she puts on a false front, whether she’s being a room mom for one of her six children or attending a PTA meeting.
“You’re so good at helping everybody else, I think you’re in danger of leaving yourself out of your own life,” Dr. Holden says. “What we have here is a classic what I call a martyr ethic, which is where we’re putting everybody else first instead of ourselves.”
In fact, Dr. Holden says Lorrie can help herself and give an important gift to her family—her own happiness. “I know you … want your children to be happy, and I tell you this: You can’t just tell them to be happy. You show them with your example. And that’s the big key,” Dr. Holden says.
Lorrie can start today by simply asking for help. “I think the big mistake here, and it’s a common one, is that we try to do our lives by ourselves,” Dr. Holden says. “It’s time to stop being a super mom and start being a real mom.”
I disagree with Dr. Holden’s statement about “a real mom.” I think all moms are “Super Moms.” It’s natural to focus on everyone else. It’s known as mothering instinct or motherly love. For the majority of women, being a real mom means they’re giving first to others in their own eyes. I don’t believe we have to fight the urge. I think a happy mom finds the balance to set aside time for herself amongst the chaos of raising a family, caring for friends, volunteering for church, organizations and worthy causes, and working at/from home (for money or not). I liked Dr. Holden’s observation that “there are 6 billion people on earth. Someone is there to help you. You don’t have to do it yourself.”
Are you satisfied with your life? Check out Satisfied with Life Quiz on Oprah’s site.
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Topics: Current Events |
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