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Body Clutter Mission: Realities of Body Clutter
By Cindy | December 21, 2007
“You cannot give to others something you don’t have, and if you don’t have love for yourself, how then can you truly love others?” (Cilley, 35)
Do you feel pretty? If you answer no, then write about how you feel about the way you look.
Not all the time. I do when I apply makeup and wear one of my few outfits that fit. I told myself that I didn’t want to buy any clothes until I lost the baby weight. I’ve had to buy a few things, but in reality, I need to buy more clothes. I feel that it’s a waste of money, but I had Stephanie two years ago. I parted from the size 8 and 10 pants and outfits I owned since
the Academy. I’ll never wear them again even WHEN I return to a size 8 and 10. When I reach a size 10 , I want to treat myself to a new wardrobe. When I see a picture, I see fat, especially, in my forearms and legs. My face is round and I don’t want to look below my waist.
How many years’ worth of clothes do you have in your closet? And, better yet, how many sizes? What words do you hear in your head when you look in your closet at the clothes that don’t fit?
I own clothes from high school , 10 to 12 years old, and sizes ranging from 8 to 14. I removed most of the outfits, but kept my absolute favorites.
Words in my head include:
- I really need to slim down.
- Why don’t I throw that shirt away? It’s too tight?
- I”ll never wear it again, but maybe.
- When I put my mind to it, I’ll get back into that size 8!
- I feel ugly.
Do you get dressed to shoes first thing in the morning?
I dress to the shoes within an hour of waking up on most days. I skip applying makeup and styling my hair. I’ve never been a makeup girl though. For instance, right now I don’t even own a lipstick. ( I know, I know, it’s a travesty!!!) I keep meaning to buy one, but it’s not high on the priority list. The makeup I do own, I only wear for rare occasions. A date with hubby ( I’ve forgotten when we last got out by ourselves) or a night with friends (once a month). Hair–I don’t own a blow dryer and ponytails are a staple! I do own a couple of curling irons, but they’re used even less than the makeup.
Have you ever felt embarrassed by your weight? Write about how you felt and what caused you shame.
I get embarrassed about my weight sometimes. I was always on the upper end of the Navy Body Composition Requirements. I rarely avoided a body tape measurement. Otherwise, I’ve not allowed it to bother me. I’m comfortable with who I am, so even though I have carried the extra weight, I’ve not used it as an excuse to keep me from my goals which is also the reason that I’ve never changed my habits with food. I eat the food and then think about the consequences. When I was in my best shape at the Academy during Plebe Summer it was because we worked out 6 plus hours a day. I ate anything I wanted in the food hall.
Have you used your Body Clutter as a shield? In what way and who or what were you trying to protect yourself from?
Body Clutter shielded me during pregnancy. I ate everything and anything. I accept that I’m larger, but not at the expense of others.
How do you feel about your body image?
The questions come from the Body Clutter Journal Missions in Body Clutter: Love Your Body, Love Yourselfby Marla Cilley and Leanne Ely, page 37.
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